Why is it difficult to find love?

According to different experts, psychologists, sex therapists, … to find love, one would have to work on oneself, in particular by letting go in relation to certain myths and fears to which one believes.

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Perhaps among the most well-known belief in this context is that of the Prince Charming. You may remember “Think Like a Man” (2012), inspired by Steve Harvey’s bestseller “Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man”. In this film, the character of Lauren, interpreted by Taraji P. Henson, is CEO and single for several years because she is waiting for the man who will have all the standards she has set. Having standards is a very good thing, but in her case, more than criteria, it is in fact the perfect man she expects. In an article published in the French feminine magazine Version Femina , psychologist Philippe Brenot recommends, not to adapt its criteria, but rather not to put them all on the same level:

Instead of dreaming of the ideal man, it is better to meet the imperfect man who pleases you and makes you happy.

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In the film, Lauren will end up hierarchizing what he thinks is more important in a man: having a companion who earns a lot of money but who does not really care about her VS. A man who does not win as much as she but is resolutely turned towards her and who gives her all the attention she needs.
Having standards is very important, but it should not make you miss opportunities in love because you give them all the same importance. To avoid a situation like this, you could “classify” your criteria by highlighting those that appear to be your priority, as Lauren did in “Think Like A Man”. It does not in any way call into question the high standards you have chosen, on the contrary.

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The diffilculty to find love can come from another problematic:  the fact of little or bad knowing ourself. Indeed, when you get to know yourself better, you naturally develop self-esteem and self-confidence. It is by working on these points that the meetings are facilitated because we expect nothing from the other, if not exchange. We are also aware of its value. As a general rule, getting to know one another better enables one to be more attentive to oneself and one’s desires and requirements. So you make choices assumed and not by default. The French psychologist Jacques Salomé explains it very well in an interview given to the French magazine Psychologies  : ”  Lack of self-love – this love is benevolent, Respect – has direct consequences on our relationships with others. It results in a lack of confidence, doubts and mistrust that will generate or maintain either relationships based on appropriation and possessiveness, or persecuted-persecutory type relationships. If I do not love myself, I will not be able to love, since I will be in need and the requirement to be loved.  “

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Knowing you perfectly contributes greatly to your balance and your well-being. And of course, you are more serene and willing to interact with others. To strengthen that confidence in yourself, you can do a series of small exercises. For example, you can write down in a notebook what you did in the day, even the little things. You will see that you are capable of much. It will make you more confident in your worth. Meditation also allows you to take time for yourself, even a few minutes a day.

One of the other barriers that can hinder the search for a partner is the fear of meeting someone . Often, this translates into negative thoughts: one apprehends the reactions of the other in this or that situation before it even happens. We think of the worst. These may be fears related to the past. Attention, wanting to be careful and not falling in love too fast is a healthy and recommended attitude. Where it can become a problem is if you do not go out a lot or if you retreat on you for example. According to the psychotherapist Sylvie Tenenbaum, women ” … torture the mind to understand what they call” failure “of their emotional life. But it is enough to listen to their a priori on men, To observe their behavior and their choice of partners, to understand that fear is at the origin of their attitudes and their errors.  “

Without necessarily going out every night or skimming all the speed dating , you can start again to leave between friends, just to have a good time between girlfriends. You will see that naturally, you will resume taste for fun outings. It is said that meetings are often done via the circle of friends  . With the Internet, some thought that the meetings would be facilitated, especially with social networks. But sites and other dating apps have not always been seen with a good eye. However, these supports have developed quite badly in recent years. Proof that there is a real need because it can actually be difficult to find love. That being said, Why not test a dating application? Maybe not Tinder who has a sulphurous reputation … But there are several applications well done and playful that may put less pressure on the meeting (although of course there is always pressure eh ??? ?)

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Speed dating, applications and dating sites, forums, events dedicated to bachelors, reality show … Meet love can be experienced as a real difficulty. You have to realize that nothing is insurmountable. One of the things to do is ask yourself what blocks and why. Is it fear or belief that keeps you from moving forward? Once the causes have been identified, you must work on them to reach a stage where you will be ready to choose a partner and move forward with him / her.

Related posts: First date, Find a man, Single and strong, Find your Boaz

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